The girl who one day ran hidden, is the woman who wants to qualify for the most desired marathon in the world. She dreamed she would be worthy of Boston. The woman in fear of crowds can run this world.
I could talk only about the marathon that allows me to inscribe me for Boston, but that's not where it all began.There were 9 months of training, some races, lots of hills, trails, treadmill and snow runs. It took a little courage to start this training. The first half of the training was the hardest. Back in summer of last year... many desires to give up, run for anything, do not work at all. Giving up current thoughts... mentally these months of training were the hardest that I faced. I was not taking the training seriously enough, I was not believing it. I had a test marathon: Lucerne Marathon and after that I made some changes in that direction. I needed a 5 minute improvement to get my under 3.35 time. I did not doubt that I could anymore, but I knew I had to work harder to get ready.During the winter months, I doubted. I was running so slow... and everything seemed to be so difficult. Each treadmill was frustrating. The winter roads and the freezing temperatures were not letting me see any improvement. I was running blind. I had no idea if it was working or not. Once the winter was almost over, I wanted to test it but I had to keep the training straight ... and I was seeing a little improvement... no one unless I, could compare the effort. I knew I could run Zürich with a PB. I was not sure if that would be enough for Boston.
Race weekend...All week I was very nervous about the Sunday Race. Zürich is not a city where I go often or get pleasured about. The mess and traffic are hard to deal with, generally I leave there wishing never to return. On Saturday, we left our peaceful village at the Grisons mountains to join the chaos in the urban ZÜRICH.I was incredibly nervous. I risk to say that I have never felt this way before. I notice that I am more nervous about half-marathons than marathons. Somehow I have the feeling I can control marathons. But not this time. I was feeling tense, it would be this race or no one. Another year waiting? It had to be now.As soon as we arrived to the hotel, I realized that the Sporthalle was on the other side of Zürich and I did not have much time to pick my race pack. The worst thing I could do was what I decided to do: to walk instead of take a public transport. I surrendered. When I came back to the Hotel, the tears toke me. I walked / jogged almost 1:30 and I was tired, I felt dehydrated as it was warmer than I am accustomed to. Dirty and tired, the quick dinner at the Italian restaurant didn't make me to relax. I had the feeling I had screwed this race even before the start. At 20:30 I was in bed, ready to sleep. I woke up sometimes during that long night to check the clock. I wrote my refueling in a decorating band as I'm always doing counts during rush to try to guess when it's next station, so I had already decided that I wouldn't take the first station at least and fixed 4 stations where I would have to refuel. Near it: "STRONG MIND" a keepsake to not let my mind betray me: I HAVE A STRONG PHYSIQUE; I AM A STRONG MIND; I HAVE A STRONG WILL! "Graham made me promise that I would repeat it.
At 5:15am, I was the first to appear for breakfast, but soon the room was full with athletes. I just took the meals I know and for my surprise, no oatmeal, but the delicious Blueberries Birchermüesli.The start was about 2.5k (1.5 miles), which was perfect for warming up, thinking, imagining everything ... but more: to feel ready for it. At this point, I realized that I was mentally saying to myself: I did not come here to have fun. I never really liked Zürich, so today, Zürich makes me love her or hate her forever. I was even amazed by the ambience, the history, the many details I have never noticed that were there for anyone to see but somehow never seen. How different Zürich is without traffic. I was loving it.It was sunny, it would be hot. I remember I thought: I can not run fast when the sun is warming me. It's not my favorite time to run. How would I run a marathon below 3.35? With this weather I should be thankful if I would be able to finish it.
I was warming up when I saw some of the most incredible athletes in the world. I felt like I had never been into something so great. I had already run with some, back to 2015, my first 10k but here was different. They came all over the world for win. My warm-up was canceled because I met two other runners with who I stayed until Julie arrived. I was nervous, she gave me some motivational words, holding a shield : Silvia #roadtoBoston. I had been hydrating very well with water and powerade when I joined the 3.30 group.
This walk along made me feel strong, I had a plan: Run a little faster than my 5'/km pace for when I feel the sun, don't need to push. I knew I couldn't handle a 5 pace under sun on the late stage of a marathon, so I took the risk of bunk. It was to give all or nothing.
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| Half-way |
I still feel I lived a dream race. The crowds were amazing, the runners were enthusiastic and all seemed so comfortable. I relaxed as soon my Garmin marked 1k and more strange of all is that i thought : only 41,2 to go. And suddenly I felt that was hilarious. I confess I was surprised with my pace at the half-marathon. I was running my fastest half-marathon ever in a marathon race and I wasn't feeling I was pushing hard.
For a few minutes crossed my mind: will I make a 3.26 marathon? On that point, the first athletes were crossing by us and I saw some painful expressions, some others giving up and I decided me for forget that vision and be careful from that point. I started to pace myself back to a 5'/km , I just had to defend that pace now to guarantee I finish it with a Boston time.
It was a little over the 20 mile mark , at km 33 that the wall came to take me. What happened? It took me fast. It got warm, I was trying to fix my eyes on a runner ahead me, but I could only follow his pace for more 4km. The under 3.30 pacemaker crossed us at what seemed to be a Killer pace. I was feeling too slow, too weak to keep going. I was now taking every water station as a gift and aiming for the finish-line.
I never thought in give up, but a weak feeling crossed me : only this time, I will never try to qualify for Boston anymore. ( lol ) i checked my arm again, as I was doing since mile 20 : STRONG MIND! My Garmin was still pacing for a under 3.30 marathon and I've tried to keep the 5 pace but was getting down and down. At km 39 I knew i just had to keep going, even if I would be slower I would make it. 3.30 on my garmin, but the course was longer, I've noticed at some kms away the distance wasn't matching, so I couldn't trust my garmin, I tried to push, but I was done, my body was giving up, I was not feeling well my arms, I wanted to drink, my head was too heavy and every try of mine to keep on running was breaking me more, I could see many crossing me and I had the feeling I was about to faint. I still got conscience I wasn't running straight. I know my garmin was 42.2 and I wasn't seeing the finish line. When I saw it, I wished I had power to celebrate it. I just crossed it, pressed my garmin while fainting in a stranger arms. I came to me somewhen, in a wheelchair, asked for water and as soon my head stopped to spin around I gave a few steps. Back into the racing area, received my earned medal, I wasn't sure about my time. I knew by my garmin I was under 3.35 but official is what counts. When I met Julie again I could meet my official result and celebrate this fact with the woman that was for several times on the road supporting me.When I was again alone, I walked slow to the hotel, looking around. there were still people racing and I was still not knowing what happened. A part of me was not realizing I made it. 3:32.19,9
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| "The Dream commands the Life" |
One week after, I still find hard to believe it. It was a fight, I may didn't feel like running the 3/4 of the race, but that last 10km tested me to the point I don't recognize myself. I feel I broke limits, I was far from my comfort Zone, I gave all of me and I feel I couldn't do better or in another way.
Sometimes, we surprise ourselves. Other times, we fear ourselves. There are the times we overcome all the other times and all the others I, selfs and me , that sets us back and We become a fearless new being.
This dream scared me for so long that I even feared to make it true. Confused still... it was a big dream. I gave my best and now, just B.A.A. can make the 5% difference on this dream. I am no one but if you arrive here and read this, let
me tell you that If I could, you can. If it scares you, it's big enough and if you want it, you will get it.
I conquered Zürich, but Zürich conquered me. Forever.
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